A guest post by Ambika Singh Rikhye

There are butterflies in your stomach when you meet the love of your life. You get sweaty palms and your heart literally skips a beat. You look forward to meeting him every day and introducing him to your friends and family. Finally, you settle down with him. This is when your role play starts. You have several roles within the same family construct- you become a partner, daughter in law and sister in law. This can be a bit intimidating at first and you do everything in your power and more to appease everyone and keep everyone happy.

The next chapter of your life is supposed to bring you lots of peace and happiness. Motherhood is the
best thing that can happen to a woman. Having a baby is absolutely magical but bringing up a child can be extremely challenging with diaper changes in the middle of the night, dealing with colic, nightmares and the common flu. The flutter seems to dwindle and go away and life becomes mundane and staid and ordinary. Things become sour pretty quickly and you argue over petty issues.

If a woman forgets herself at this juncture- even if she tries,it becomes extremely hard for her to find herself. I urge you- please look after yourself and don’t let this happen to you. Life is meant to be simple and happy. Don’t complicate it. You live only once. This time will never come back. If you don’t love yourself, people will treat you the same way. Sure, you are a mother, wife, daughter but you are also your own person and have every right to give yourself time to unwind and relax. Here are a few pointers (anecdotal and otherwise) that might help you along the way.

– Spend some time with yourself every day doing nothing. You would have heard it a lot of times
already. I am saying it because it works like magic. I usually drink a cup of tea early morning in
my terrace garden. During that time, I think of nothing. I don’t even like to plan my day during
this time. Mindfulness and meditation has helped keep me balanced sane even during a crisis but switching off and doing absolutely nothing is highly underrated.

-Take up a hobby. Like reading or listening to music. I love to read and I kept reading throughout
my pregnancy and even after I had my baby. Once my baby was a couple of months old, I took
up gardening. I was thrilled to have something to look forward to everyday. Gardening and tending to flowers and bonsais is extremely therapeutic and great for alleviating stress and improving your mood.

-Don’t multitask if you can’t. Just focus on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking will only make you angsty, irritable and cranky. Focus on the task at hand and when you are done- move on to the next one.

– You can defeat hormonal problems. Don’t let them overcome you. Simple things like smelling
basil leaves or baking would just brighten me up. Fragrances can enhance moods. Consult your
doctor if it’s safe for the baby and then you can use an essential oil in a burner or in your bath. If
you have a clinical problem related to hormones, consult your doctor.

-Sometimes certain deficiencies can also trigger bad moods and even depression. Tests can be
done to determine that. Consult your doctor and keep taking your vitamins.

-Friends!!! Meet and talk to friends who make you feel good, who will make you laugh. In my
case, I didn’t realize how much I missed my friends until I met them. So make sure you do, on a
regular basis.

-Talk. Talk to your partner and talk to your mother. When you are feeling low and out of sorts, call a friend and go for a walk and try and talk about your feelings. It is therapeutic and doesn’t cost anything at all.

-Take out time for your partner. Even if you can’t go out, order in or rent a DVD. A love cocoon
does wonders in making a relationship stronger.

-Adequate sleep is important. It’s difficult for new mothers but not impossible. Sleep whenever
the baby is sleeping. Put up a DND sign on your door when you don’t want anyone disturbing
you.

-Accept your limitations. If you can’t do something then say it. It is very important to be assertive and learn how to say no. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of depending on others to look after my son as I like to do things myself. Don’t succumb to familial and societal pressures to have another child unless you and your partner are ready.

– Meditation helps. Practice meditation on a daily basis. It will help centre you, alleviate some of the stress and harmonise your chakras.

– Love your body. There will be lot of changes once you have a baby. But love your body and your
body will love you back. Whenever you feel is the right time, start exercising. Take up walking or
yoga or just deep breathing exercises to start with. Take care and respect your body like a
temple. Honestly, it’s all you’ve got.

-Forgive everyone around you. It is very hard but by holding bad feelings, you are only punishing
yourself. Keep saying it to yourself and very soon, you will be able to do it. At the same time,
keep distance from people who make you unhappy or uncomfortable.

– No matter what, your child/children are your priority. Invest lots of time with them. Love them,
love them and love them. Don’t spoil them with money but with your love. It’s not just about
raising a child; it’s about building a character. Read to them, dance with them, play with them,
get wet in the rain with them, and laugh with them, count stars with them at night. Teach them how to invest time and embrace experiences as opposed to material things.

We all get lost sometimes with domestic responsibilities, crazy hours at work and numerous nappy changes.
Go find yourself. It’s never too late. I really hope this helps you like it helped me.

About the Author-

Ambika is a Delhi based writer who recently launched her book titled ‘Mirage’. A wife and mother, Ambika finds solace in meditation, cooking, writing and spending time nurturing her bonsais. You can write to her at ambikarikhye@yahoo.com