If you’ve been following my journey on my blog or Instagram for a while, then you’d know about my experience with anxiety and panic attacks. In my pursuit of wellness and joy, I have been trying very hard to pay close attention to my mental health. I have seen numerous doctors, read every self-help book, attended seminars, gone for counselling and tried radical self-care practices- until I learnt that oftentimes, for me, the solution exists inside of me.

It’s learning to say no without guilt. Allowing myself the time to slow down, to take a step back. To be more mindful and practice an attitude of gratitude. To share my struggles, without fear of judgement or shame with those around me and to ask for help, when I’m feeling particularly down.

I wrote a letter to Anxiety, in an attempt to understand my relationship with it, better. Here it is-

Dear Anxiety,

You’ve been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.
You have a knack for springing up on me,
making your presence known in large gatherings,
on important days and on days,
when I could have in fact,
done without you.

You’ve kept me up at night
and you’ve made me second guess myself
but you’ve also done me good.

You’ve made me take a step back to recalibrate my life.
To do more of what I love and less of what I don’t.
To weed out all the things, patterns and people that no longer served me.

I know I’ve been harsh and called you out when I’m feeling less than my best and for that I’m sorry

After years of trying to break up with you and obliterate you from my life, and trust me I’ve tried…
Through the countless podcasts, hours of meditation and meetings with counsellors,
I’ve learnt that we can,
in fact,
CO EXIST.

In doing so,
and accepting this
I’m relieved.
Relieved because I know I have to do some deep work to address the root.
Relieved because I’ve realised that while I do have anxiety and panic attacks, anxiety is NOT Me.
It doesn’t define me.
Thank you,
Love