A guest post by Lalrinngheti Sansgsiama
Do you ever feel like you are dying inside? Like you keep digging a deeper pit for yourself and it is too difficult to get out of it? Some days you think you have hope so you make plans to start fresh but by nightfall, you are back in the same sickening pit. You’re beaten down by a song, a word, a person, a smell that floods in all your past memories and failures. And suddenly you find it hard to breathe, the pain in your heart deepens and life feels pointless. No matter the situation, it seems agony lives in you and you are utterly alone. No body understands and you’re too embarrassed to let anyone truly understand because you sound weak and being associated with weakness is quite disgusting. So, you lie to yourself and to everyone around you that you’ll get over it. You smile and laugh but inside, you’ve lost real interest in your friends or family and even your work/studies and things you once enjoyed. Sometimes, you forget for a few seconds but you repeatedly decide to cling on to the very thing that is destroying you because letting go feels more painful than the soreness of keeping it close to your heart.
Symptoms of hopelessness and helplessness associate closely to depression. You might be feeling tired all the time, your sleep and appetite changes, concentrating or controlling negative thoughts is difficult and you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual. Other symptoms include self-sabotaging habits such as consuming excessive alcohol or smoking or engaging in other reckless behaviour. If you are going through this, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to live this way. Depression does not discriminate and it can affect anyone at any age so there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.
It has been a notable trend that many depressed people have found recovery and healing by surrendering to God or a faith. It gives a sense of identity and a sense of purpose that cannot be replaced or taken away no matter who or what is in your life. So, I urge you to rest your faith in a divine being because then you will be able to accept an unconditional love that you deserve.
That said, self-love is the second most important thing towards recovery. That means you don’t punish yourself when you don’t fall through with your plans. That means writing down affirmations of self-worth and speaking it out loud to yourself everyday. That means allowing yourself to feel your feelings even if you think they will wreck you. Self-love means speaking to yourself gently and kindly the way you would speak to someone you love and respect. It won’t come easy but it will motivate you to do it if I told you that you cannot truly love someone if you cannot love yourself. It is also important to love yourself because it will propel you to make better decisions and help you deal with your problem at hand.
Self-love means treating your body, mind and soul well. This is a difficult one because it involves making choices consistently so think of ways to make it easier for yourself. You may do this by stocking your fridge with healthy food. Or signing up to a Zumba class with a friend to hold you accountable. Or setting alone time to go through your finances. Even when you find yourself going back to toxic thoughts, bring yourself back to good thoughts gently. You are human, you are allowed to make mistakes, you don’t have to be perfect so give yourself a break.
One of the best proven methods of treating depression is through exercise. The endorphins after a good run or an exercise class can do wonders for your physiology and mood. Remember that while some people love running or going to the gym – you might absolutely hate it. So, find something that will get your blood flowing be it dance or Zumba or rock climbing. You will end up making friends. Learning some skills in the process and toning that body so its a win win situation.
Right now, don’t worry about all the things you should not do. Instead, focus on the good things you can add into your life.
1. Catch yourself when you are being hard on yourself and speak to yourself gently
2. Cut out reminders of toxic thoughts, if it is a song, delete it off your playlist and so on.
3. Eat good food
4. Add a vegetable or a fruit to your meal
5. Replace something junky with something healthy. e.g. Eat at home instead of eating out
6. Delay that cigarette you are craving for at least 5 minutes. (trust me, this goes a long way to eventually quit smoking)
7. Do good things
8. Sign up for a Zumba class/ gym membership or run around the park
9. Remember what you once loved to do and do 10 minutes of it
10. Clean up and declutter your room, your inbox or your closet.
Here are 10 affirmations that you can speak and shout out with conviction daily, at least seven times for 21 days. It has been scientifically proven that it takes 21 days to create integrated long term memory. So, make these your own and make them specific to your circumstances. You are a fighter, a winner. You are not a failure. Get serious about fighting for your life!
1. I love myself.
2. Eating healthy makes me happy.
3. I can do all the things that I have to do.
4. I can love others better by being the best version of myself.
5. God loves me.
6. I am wonderfully made.
7. I lack nothing.
8. I am made for greatness.
9. I control my emotions.
10. I make the most of my time.
Even one good choice for a whole day makes you better than yesterday. You may not be where you want to be but because of one or even half a good choice, you are not where you used to be. And that is a thing to be happy about. Bad choices lead to more bad choices and you’re stuck in a vicious cycle. But the good news is, the cycle goes the other way round too, good choices lead to more good choices.
Remember to think good thoughts, eat good food, do good things.
About the Author-
I schooled in the Mussoorie hills, studied law for undergrad in Cardiff after which I completed my Bar in London. I just finished a year long internship in the Supreme Court, Delhi and am currently preparing to undertake my Masters in Law in July. I love the sunrise (mostly because I get to see it so rarely!) and deep conversations over coffee.
