By Tanya Bakshi
Today was just like any other quarantine day,  I was watching the TLC’s 90 day fiancé Ed and Rose, or better the Oxford Union debate with people dressed as cartoons – I was convinced that destiny is here and my destiny to make a day perfect was in fact in my very own hands (oh gosh!).

The time had come for me to make a quarantine revelation, (No I didn’t cut my hair or dye them orange – I was instead doing the hair masks- or better, onion –yoghurt- Garnier and Aloe Vera masks. Anyways, back to no hair revelation- I was stuck at international borders during quarantine- and this is my-  how I made it my story. (DRUMROLL..)

Being a millennial-woman, I was ready to embark on my journey to the UK and USA. The time had come when we (my mentor and partner  –I know 2 in one) were ready to be at our dream destination as presenters – at WOHASU in Miami, USA. I had packed so much that when I went to the airport I had to bargain with the official to give me a seat I paid for without TV, but with extra 7 kgs (cause we’re Indian and of course he totally let me because I was patient, polite and smiling the whole time).

WOHASU- World Happiness Summit. (Ahhhhhhh- the angels sang before quarantine, so did I). My very Indian mum and grandparent (nana)- were after my life to re-confirm if WOHASU was still going ahead – amidst the growing coronavirus concerns and I being frustrated at the thought of the entire WOHASU plan getting cancelled (for which I had been preparing for MORE THAN 6 MONTHS).  Nevertheless, I managed to make it to the UK with ounces of turmeric powder, cayenne pepper, Vitamin C, and sanitisers- I know! I was like a walking talking pharmacy. So much so that I was even offering wet tissues to my co-passengers (again, kindness is the only way).  Anyways, my partner took me in his arms and the first thing I did after I got lost at the airport- was tell him, “Omg- the immigration was so easy, they didn’t even ask me about corona in my country.” He said very excitedly, ‘Yeah, we don’t even wear a mask here- it’s super cool.’

Boarding the train to Wales and sanitising all the seats on the way- I was in Wales. I had a good few days with an amazing Indian family , (and of course loads of mutton, chicken and dal later). The night before our flight, I was notified that WOHASU was postponed. My partner looked at me, like our lives were over, I looked at him as if my parents would call me home tomorrow – game over . We were kinda shook- cause 2 days before things were confirmed and they told us it was on. Now, this- regardless… he said, “ What would a person with a growth mindset do?” and he said, “ Would I be affected and stay here , or would I take a chance and explore this the best way I can?-We will go!” I, being the indecisive one- was stuck between like two layers of cheese one Parmesan and one mozzarella. What do I do? Do I go back to India in a few days? Do we skip on meeting these profound people in Miami (no-WOHASU doesn’t mean life over, right? –RIGHT, SO WE PERSISTED and made it to Miami).

As the first three days pass in Miami, and I get ready to meet these amazing people who managed WOHASU. I got to know the even bigger and alarming news – all European flights from the United States were banned – the first of many bans. I was told about it, but luckily for us UK was not on the list, yet. 24 hours later, I came to know that the UK too is now included…seeing this the Wales family were our first rescues- they were like superheroes for us. Within no time, they made us book tickets and come home to them.

The first time ever, I knew things were uncertain when all the flights were grounded or cancelled. In an emergency, we had to take a flight to New York and from there, fly to London Heathrow. Almost 10 hours on the flight + a 10 hour layover at the NYC airport (where COVID-19 was like a monster eating away cheeseburger after cheeseburger). I was shocked to even process it, not just because NYC had become a Covid hotspot, but also because my sisters lived in New York. The last time I spoke to them, they were fearful of me giving them COVID-19…weird to me.. but normal to them. One of my sisters also said,” You might infect us, and my immune system won’t be able to handle it.” – I was kind of  understanding where they came from but I also felt devastated cause I felt abandoned and alone (my partner– my best friend was with me), but still I felt like I was not important any-longer- because I had travelled at this time. I know, it’s okay- I am still processing my feelings around it.

Regardless, I moved along and I got gifts for all my loved ones from the NYC airport .. I was afraid to touch anything as I was shopping when I bumped into a co passenger who saw me worry and said – “You’re from my home, I can’t let you worry.” It is in that moment I realised there is beauty, hope, love and goodness- only if we (you) choose to see it”.

Next, as I was boarding for my flight to the UK, security checked my passport thrice for the visa and guess what I was the only (proud) Indian national on the airplane. The rest of the passengers were British Nationals who were waiting to go home. But, this time I didn’t feel alone- rather I felt I was going to be safe, I was going to be near home, I was going to be fed coffee from Pret and I was going to the land where I had a few amazing experiences and even better people waiting to take care of me. I was going to be in good hands.

Ahhhh- I landed … wait that is two flights in 20 hours…not bad for my stinking sweater. Luckily, the weather was good. I was back to Wales in a bus in 3 hours,  while eating, sleeping and reminiscing about what we were going to do next? My flight was booked from the UK to India a week after. I didn’t know what this journey was meant to teach me. But, I was definitely asking God, “ What are you trying to teach me?” How do I become more resilient? How do I make the best of this situation? How should I deal with uncertainties?

Instead of brooding and cursing my time and experience – I actually was asking myself, what did I learn from this? ,Which helped me understand the situation better and then act. To become more proactive rather than reactive. It made me understand how crucial it is to see the situation and be thankful for the memories I have made and the time I have spent with people learning, growing, and nurturing myself.

On my bus journey to Wales, I slept and my silent phone rang 5 times….I was scared because it was one call I dreaded the most- my Father. This entire trip, he called me only twice..(once when he was upset about the new tickets that I had to have issued due to COVID and second was THIS dreaded call…). My partner had two missed calls on his phone as well. I thought someone died and they wanted me back home NOW. But nobody had died thankfully, but they most definitely wanted me home.

The Indian government had by then banned all international flights. I know- My third ban announcement in 24 hours… At this point, I was frustrated, upset and feeling helpless. If I didn’t take the next flight home, I would either be stuck in the UK, or worse I would be in quarantine facilities in India for 14 days. BUMMER!

But, I had to remind myself.. I am okay… my health is fine, ask an astrologer if you need to. I am okay I thought. It was then that I developed my first hand experience of anxiety, my body was numb and feeling all the emotions wasn’t possible at all. It is here, I want to tell you – you don’t shape your life, it is what you allow yourself to feel that changes your perception and then your life.  So, when you deal with uncertainties and hurdles, know that this is a part of the journey and you have what it takes to jump ahead of it, even when it might not seem like it.

Rules are rules and parents are parents, while my father was blaming me for all that had happened and hung up on me. My mother helped me regain that ounce of hope that I had in me, as I burst open with tears, cries, and anxiety. I told her about my two flights in 20 hours, or that I had not eaten in anxiety, or that I was worried seeing things on social media…or that everything around me seemed like it was simply crashing down with no light and no answers in sight. 

She booked my next flight, which was exactly in 16 hours. Which meant 3 long international flights in 36 hours, was I ready? While my partner broke down at the thought of all this happening, I was staring at his mum about what to do now? She got me packed up in two hours, gave gifts for the family members and got me a massive, warm white cape and said- “You like being cozy and warm – this is for you.” I knew , in that moment, God had a way of balancing things and the universe always has my back.”

My anxiety to go back home increased by the hour, I was up all night, trying to process things, but I tried to tell myself, “What is meant to be is meant to be- even if it’s COVID-19.” As we disembarked to go to London, I was leaving behind memories, laughter, bonding, time. I was at the UK airport 5 hours before my flight. So smart and efficient, I thought to myself, not realising that everyone would be there, some business class passengers, some economy, some unpacking, some hoarding, some crying, some laughing, but everyone spraying and sanitising their hands and surfaces- what a vision to go back home to. At that moment I felt a sense of relief and put on my gloves and mask to do it. Because, sometimes there is hope even when your mind tries to tell you otherwise.

As I said my goodbye to my partner, I couldn’t help but understand what would lie ahead and what could I have done differently? I knew there were people waiting at the Indian airport to check my temperature. But, in fear,  I started thinking I had Covid19- it was scary. I didn’t sleep a wink in that 9 hour journey, 100 crammed, scared Indians and me- all at the fate of COVID-19. As, we landed and I FINALLY GOT CLEARED FROM THE TEMPERATURE CHECK AND WAS CONSIDERED SAFE TO ENTER INDIA. I was relieved- I knew I had done something right, or maybe someone was praying for me in India. I was back on home turf.

I was sweating profusely wearing my black boots in Indian March weather with a really warm jacket or maybe it was my anxiety making me stink of sweat.  After two long immigration checks and bags that were being attacked by co-passengers- I was ready to go home. There in the middle of saying multiple thank you’s to the officials and heading towards the bag claim- I saw a helper, who saw my worried face. He was wheeling an old lady, and said “madam come with me, I will help you”. A part of my heart realised how beautiful kindness is – and just how grateful I was to hear those words. 

My mother arrived 2 hours late and I was stuck at the safest and least infected place on earth- the airport. I called my family- told them how I should be in home quarantine, and they thought sense had prevailed and that I was so mature now to abide by the rules. Little did they know, I was scared of seeing or even meeting anyone less due to COVID, more due to the mental confusion. What had happened to the dream WOHASU? What had happened to brunch in London with friends? What was up with my family who only blamed me now (even if it was COVID-19)? 

I shut down all methods of communication- my phone meetings, my girl group conference, my room landline, any calls- because amidst all this I just wanted to focus on myself for a bit.. to recuperate.. to maybe just be and to feel my emotions – without being answerable to anyone.

Oh – by the way India had changed. At home, my mother didn’t touch me. My room was empty and no –one was allowed, my suitcases lay there like popcorn packets waiting to be popped. I lost all strength- there was neem water for me to bathe in, there was food being sent to my doorstep, and there were also Bubbles (my godmother) who really took care of me from a distance. I asked no one to come in my room and no one did, it was like I was getting privacy for the first time in an Indian household. I was grateful to be home, it was a luxury after being in fear of going to quarantine cells. And, I will forever be grateful for that.

14 days I stayed isolated in my room for 14 days. Came in zero physical contact with anyone- and things were better and worse. I missed my travel experience and the memories I shared, I talked to a few friends and expressed my fears to my family- even if some were expressed and some weren’t. I tried and today only a few months later – I can say it was worth it. It was all worth it- the good and the bad. 

Now, months after,  I practice gratitude and thankfulness everyday, I try my best to look at things differently compared to before and I also take care of what and where I spend my energy. And- my biggest learning is that you can choose the way you react to situations in life- so choose your emotion for the day – love or hate, negativity or positivity? Like, I did both ways- and you and I both know which one helped me deal with the situation better.

Uncertainty teaches you- that you are only as important you think you are, and you can’t let people, situations, or circumstances define you. But, you can make your own definition of your own life and stick by it. You will offend a lot of people and love a lot of people, but in the end it will all be worth it- because in the end it is all about you and who you want to be and the way you want to live your life.

This is my personal experience of overcoming adversity and uncertainty with resilience and a mindset change… I hope you enjoyed reading it.

About the Author

Tanya Bakshi is the founder & Creative Director of Youniverse. She is a final year medicine student at Bakson Homoeopathic Medical College and will graduate in 2022. Youniverse, her brain child, is a social enterprise working on positive mental health for children, students and the youth across the globe. She hopes to create a more optimistic & empathetic world by using the power of Positive Psychology. Her goal is to strengthen & create a mind shift, to transform the lives of as many people as she can. Her 3 most important beliefs are- Empathy, Persistence & Gratitude. She believes that if you are empathetic & kind- you can create your own happiness, where barriers can turn into life-changing breakthroughs. She often says, “If you don’t follow your dreams, who will.”