What my diagnosis taught me about the strength within me.
Written by Sana Chowdhary

After complaining about excruciating stomach ache for a week, we finally went to the doctor where they put me through a battery of tests and scans. I thought to myself, ‘something is not right’. I was scheduled for a surgery to remove a big fibroid near my ovary. While I was shocked about going under the knife; nothing in the world could prepare me for what was in store for me.

On the day of the surgery, I had my family members around me for support. However, before they took me into the operation theatre- they said there was a delay because they were waiting on some blood work. The doctor came back and told me that the surgery would have to be rescheduled and I was terrified that they were omitting crucial information from me. The blood work from the lab was back and my cancer cells were multiplying rapidly.

We went to seek a second opinion from another gynaecologist who told me about my options and that we should proceed with chemotherapy after the surgery. I could feel everything close around me and then all of a sudden- I couldn’t hear anything or make sense of anything.

I refused to believe it. I was in denial about my diagnosis. I kept trying to convince myself that this is not real and maybe, perhaps, I was only dreaming. I was only 20 at the time. After some time, I broke down and started crying hysterically. My life had painted itself black and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was angry with myself and angry with god. I was terrified and angry with the situation and kept asking myself- why me? Why did it have to happen to me?

Anyway, I digress, the diagnosis was that I had stage 4 ovarian cancer and the prognosis was poor.I underwent the major surgery where they cut me up from my pelvic region to my navel to remove one ovary and a bunch of lymph nodes that had been affected by the cancer cells.

Immediately after the surgery, they started me off with chemotherapy and this was incredibly risky because my cancer had advanced quite a bit. They had to put a long PCC line through my wrist all the way to my heart to ensure the medicines (read: chemicals) would reach me in a timely manner.

I was given 5 cycles of heavy dose chemotherapy for 5 days a week. This would mean at least 30 trips to the hospital and various unaccounted for trips to the ER because you never know whats going to happen to you.

My body reacted with anger for being subjected to so much chemical poison and I developed low grade fever and infections. This wasn’t all- I also woke up one morning with DVT when my arm turned blue and had to be given blood thinners and insert a port to my chest to deliver the medication.

I was sick, weak and constantly nauseous. Everything felt different and food started to taste horrible. I had this metallic taste in my mouth. Then one morning, after a shower I noticed that half the hair on my head had fallen out. I was so depressed for a while but my family and friends supported me and I decided to do what everyone does and shave my head off.

After 5 months of hell, I was released but not without the routine blood tests and CT scans . It’s been four years since then and I have been living with peripheral neuropathy. A side effect of the chemotherapy that means my feet tingle, burn, vibrate and ache all day, everyday.

Now, I am a professional photographer capturing emotions and special moments. I have learnt to live life one day at a time. There’s always a rainbow after a hurricane. So, never give up and just keep swimming..

I am truly grateful to my family for supporting me through this ordeal and making me stronger and more grateful for this body. To my friends for sticking around and taking care of me. Lastly, to art for being my healer. Art was my therapist. I wouldn’t have known what to do if I didn’t have the opportunity to paint my feelings and express what I couldn’t have said. It allowed me to see a world in colour that was otherwise missing from my life particularly during chemotherapy.

About the author-
Sana is a Jaipur based photographer and picture hunter. Part time cake devourer. Occasional painter and doodler. Loves dogs to death.

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/sana.chow/?hl=en