Psychology of Relationships
by Parvati Varma
In a world where we are busy looking at our cellphones for validation on our social media handles, scouring through feeds for the next best thing or digital companionship (via DM’s or instant messages), we often forget to talk to the people sitting next to us. The band VAYU has expressed it so beautifully in their song ‘Baatein Karo’.
Think of the times when you last dropped a comment on someone’s post or story saying:-
“HI, YOU LOOK REALLY BEAUTIFUL! YOUR POSTS INSPIRE ME”
OR
“I WISH I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW”
Try and think of the last time you actually said those words out loud not on a phone or an app but to someone sitting near you. Once this quarantine is over and things are looking better, I hope we will never take the power of personal touch and offline communication for granted again.
Research has shown how the use of mobile devices and technology affect our wellbeing but we seldom think about how it affects our closest relationships. Since the Internet has become inextricably linked to our daily life from checking the news, reading articles, working and even meditating online; people have found it easy + more convenient to communicate openly when they are online. However, with all this screen time, the time couples actually spend with each other suffers a great deal and you know exactly what I mean when you think back on all those times when you could be sitting and watching a movie together and someone is on the phone or you could decide to play games or cook together but one partner is glued to the phone.
Please don’t fret.. not all is lost. For all those having beautiful people in their lives and wanting to keep them close, and for the ones wanting to make some meaningful connections, I have shared a few tips that might help.
1.Touch is the key – Physical touch is an important factor when it comes to communicating and showing your partner how you truly feel. It boosts confidence in the relationship, supports the immune system and builds trust. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a lot but just subtle changes like touching their arm or giving them a quick neck and shoulder massage. A lot of this holds true not just couples but also close friends and siblings too. So go on, gently pat them on the head or give them a tight hug.
(Please note that this is a post quarantine tip. Make sure both you and your loved ones are safe and protected all times.)
2.Get those candles out – Set up the mood. Listen to some Marvin Gaye or some old jazz tunes. Light some scented candles and clear out your space. Make date night special by bringing out some healthy snacks with aphrodisiacs like strawberries dipped in chocolate, fresh figs and a healthy cheese platter. Watch something romantic or maybe even choose something racy so you both are in the mood.
3.Make it personal – In times when you cannot meet your partner for some days at a stretch, or if you have been following social distancing then try to make the texts or calls a personal one. Don’t use the same responses for your partner that you use for everyone else. Add a touch of your style to make them feel special even when they’re miles away. That could include sending them a song that reminds them of you along with the goodnight text or getting their favourite food delivered home (remember to tip handsomely please. The service industry is working doubly hard during these trying times). You could send voice notes through the day but be mindful to not distract them too much:P The same also goes for people that you adore but aren’t dating how about calling them up or sending them a personalised Spotify playlist or a long heartfelt email.
4.Set aside virtual hours – Fix up a certain time for when you would be using your phone or laptop to get through the FOMO. It could be when you sit in the loo or during a tea break. Make sure you don’t go overboard and try and keep it as minimal as you can while also being practical with it. Continuously using your phones during the same hours of the day would slowly turn into a habit and before you know it you won’t be reaching for your phone every 10 seconds. You can also activate zen mode at 10 pm so you block all social media notifications until you wake up the next day. Remember to do what works for you.
5. Plan it beforehand – Mark days in your calendar where you and your partner keep days to yourself where you can learn stuff together or do things to unwind. Try doing something that your partner is interested in and swap it the next time for something you’re interested in. Things done together like cooking, learning the tango or salsa, going on a hike together can help up and bring back memories. Another way to keep it interesting is to note down your bucket list and help each other tick at least one thing off each year. You never know what mysterious side of yourself or your very much known partner you could unravel along the way.
Remember to find small ways to show your loved ones how much they mean to you. This life is precious and it is short. Don’t wait until tomorrow to say what you can today. It is also a great idea to bury the hatchet and practice forgiveness. Now that we are all homebound indefinitely, it may be the perfect time to video call all the people you’ve been meaning to reach out. You got this! We got this! Everything is going to be alright.
Parvati Varma
A psychologist by education, she holds her masters degree in Organizational Psychology and has been involved in dealing with conflicts in organizations and is currently pursuing her research in Social Psychology. She has also worked in the field of teaching mental health to students and nurses.
She is also a certified yoga instructor who completed her TTC training from Kerala and holds the title of yoga shiromani. She is also a tarot card reader helping people to see clearly by providing guidance. An avid reader and a traveller, she believes in breaking stereotypes through a broader mindset and education.
